Self Worth 101: Journal Prompts to Your Best You

What is self-worth? Is it the same as self-esteem? Why didn't I feel like I had any? And where did it go when I needed it most?

Self-worth and self-esteem, while interconnected, represent distinct dimensions of one's emotional well-being. Some of us have good self-worth but wavering self-esteem or vice versa. Some of us, including myself, have had to build up both hand in hand.

Self-worth encapsulates the inherent value and respect one attributes to oneself, irrespective of external validations or achievements. It is a deep acknowledgment of personal significance, an understanding that one's existence is inherently valuable. On the other hand, self-esteem is more contingent on external factors, involving a person's evaluation of their own competence and worthiness based on achievements, social recognition, or comparisons with others. While self-worth is rooted in an unconditional acceptance of oneself, self-esteem tends to fluctuate based on external successes or failures.

In my case, I didn't cultivate this inherent self-worth early on, so I tried to build self-esteem from external validation. This might work for a short period of time, but it doesn't work in the long-term and ends up feeling like you don't have an internal compass guiding you (self-worth). I grew up with what I realized was a deep emotional trauma of abandonment from my childhood. This trauma from growing up without a father has followed me around my whole life. Only now, when I look back on my teenage years, do I see how truly affected I was by this trauma as I toggled between people-pleasing my boyfriend, friends, and parents and rebelling actively to try and test out who I was because I was so lost and in pain inside.

I did not have what some people feel they have, which is a stable self-worth brought on by a strong belief system from your family. While I had a close family - my sister, my mom, and my grandparents were always around and loved me deeply - I realized my self-worth was so clearly tied to my father leaving me and not wanting to know me (even though this wasn't true) that I suffered endlessly. I spent years chasing male attention (both with male friends and boyfriends) for what I thought was going to fill the hole that this left inside of me. I also attached my self-esteem to outward and external events or moments of validation - my grades, my looks, my fitness level, my friend group - but still ended up feeling empty.

Only years later I realized that my inability to share some of my deeper traumas was what stopped me from addressing my self-worth and self-esteem issues and from cultivating a healthy acceptance of myself.

There came a time when I came to terms with what I had gone through and just started combing through all the feelings inside. Many people ask, "how could you manage this on your own?" But by then, I realized the privilege I had, to have the family that loved me, close friends that cared about me, and I took advantage of my rebellious nature to go wander and excavate all the stuff I had pushed down and hid from myself. Uncovering my own experience and my pain on my own was something I wanted to do. It isn't for everyone. I highly advise therapy and counseling, talking to friends and people in your life so that you do not feel alone. This was often just as important in my process.

Once I had a more stable base to work from after I had uncovered some of my deeper issues, it became helpful to start working on self-worth from the perspective of characteristics or positive qualities that I felt I had inside me so that I could start projecting them outward. I used journaling as a starting point to understand myself, my traumas, where I judge myself, and get to the bottom of why, to then help uncover some deeper subconscious thoughts I had about myself. My journey brought me to understand that because I felt abandoned as a kid I believed I wasn't worth love and attention. This translated to the fact that ultimately I rejected myself, rejected my own self-worth and my own kindness and attention towards myself. When I realized this, all I could do was start from zero and build up from there. I know many of us are facing similar experiences and realizations that something from our development has touched us so deeply that we function because of this unconscious program or survival method that we often inherited from our childhood.

As Carl Jung said, "until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate."

These are some of the journal prompts I used to reflect on myself, to cultivate my own self-worth and self-love, as well as to learn where to improve and stop judging myself. I continued to do this regularly and build confidence in tangible things while I worked on accepting myself for the intangible things, and appreciating myself exactly as I am.

Strongest Qualities:

What are three qualities or skills that you feel confident about in yourself?

Cherished Accomplishments:

List three achievements, big or small, that make you proud. How did they contribute to your sense of self-worth?

Identifying Limiting Beliefs:

Explore any negative thoughts about yourself. What beliefs may be holding you back from recognizing your true worth?

Noteworthy Contributions:

Reflect on the positive impact you've had on others. How have your actions or words made a difference in someone else's life?

Defining Values:

What values are most important to you in life? How do these values contribute to your sense of self-worth?

Navigating Challenges:

Recall a difficult situation you faced. How did you overcome it, and what did you learn about yourself in the process?

Acknowledging Progress:

Consider areas of personal growth. How have you evolved over the past year, and what progress are you proud of?

Self-Love Practices:

What activities or routines make you feel genuinely happy and at peace with yourself? How can you incorporate more of these into your life?

Positive Affirmations:

Create a list of three positive affirmations specific to boosting your self-worth. Repeat them daily and reflect on their impact.

Setting Boundaries:

Reflect on instances where you've had to set boundaries in relationships or work. How did this contribute to your sense of self-worth, and what did you learn from the experience?

Please share how this practice made you feel. Often the first time it can be incredibly hard to come up with responses because it can come out as a flood of emotions (which it did for me) when I realized how hard I was judging myself. However, the more often you can reflect on these factors, the easier it becomes to give yourself the unconditional love and validation you need to build your self-worth to a baseline level and work to improve it from there. There is a lot to unpack inside all of us but you can and deserve to feel that from yourself!